As a Muslim man, I have a clear advantage over a non-Muslim man when it comes to how many women I can marry.

I can marry up to four wives at a go.

A non-Muslim man cannot. If he tries to do so, he commits the offence of bigamy under section 494 of the Penal Code. Bigamy is the offence of marrying another whilst already married. It is punishable with a maximum imprisonment period of seven years and a fine. If the offender conceals the former marriage from his additional spouse, that is an offence under section 495 of the Penal Code and is punishable with a maximum of ten years and a fine. There is a premium to pay for concealment.

The privilege of four spouses is a Muslim man’s. A Muslim woman cannot have four husbands. She can only have one. This sounds unfair and unequal. But Article 8(5) of the Federal Constitution exempts personal law from being equal and non-discriminatory. Personal law includes family law, inheritance law, etc.

Under section 23(1) of the Islamic Family Law Enactment (State of Selangor) 2003 (‘IFLESS’), I am required to obtain the Syariah’s court permission to marry three additional wives. I do not need the court’s permission for the first.

Under section 124 IFLESS, failing to obtain the court’s permission before marrying an additional wife is an offence punishable with a maximum fine of RM 1,000 or a maximum imprisonment of 6 months or both.

However, section 23(2) IFLESS provides that even if I don’t obtain the Syariah court’s permission before marrying them, the court can register my polygamous marriage so long as it complies with Islamic law and the punishment for not obtaining the court’s permission is settled.

In short, so long as the akad nikah (the marriage ceremony) was properly conducted, the court has the discretion to register it as a polygamous marriage.

To apply for permission to marry another wife, section 23(4) IFLESS provides that I have to submit the following for the court’s consideration:

1. Explain why the additional wife is just or necessary.
2. My income at the time.
3. My present financial commitments and responsibilities.
4. My financial commitments and responsibilities to the additional wife.
5. The number of my dependents, including the additional wife and any other new dependents.
6. Whether I obtained the consent or view of my wife or wives about the intended additional marriage.

Pursuant to section 23(5) IFLESS, the Syariah court would call me, my wife or wives, the intended wife, and the intended wife’s wali (the person who can consent to her marriage and perform it) to be heard about the intended polygamous marriage. The court can also call anyone else to give evidence about it. The hearing is supposed to be done in camera (not open to the public). But I have seen them done in open court.

The court will grant the application if it is satisfied on four matters, which are as follows:

• The marriage is just or necessary, having regard to sterility, physical infirmity, physical unfitness for conjugal relations, wilful avoidance of an order for restitution of conjugal rights, or insanity suffered by the wife or other wives. The considerations for the court to consider are not closed. Those are the main ones.
• I have sufficient means to support all my wives and dependents, including those who would be my dependents by the intended marriage.
• I would be able to accord fair treatment to all my wives.
• The additional marriage would not cause darar syarie to the existing wife or wives. Darar syarie is defined in section 2 IFLESS as harm affecting a wife regarding religion, life, body, mind, dignity or property, as recognized by Hukum Syarak.

If the Syariah court gives permission, it can also order me to pay maintenance to my existing wife or wives or to divide the harta sepencarian, i.e., properties acquired by me and my wife/wives during the marriage by our joint efforts.

The Syariah court’s decision is appealable: see section 23(7) IFLESS.

I find the formality of the entire process curious because it can be bypassed by marrying an additional wife without the court’s permission and doing so pursuant to section 23(2) IFLESS. The enactment itself envisages and ratifies the non-compliance.

I can marry an additional wife by paying a fine and ensuring the marriage was conducted according to Hukum Syarak and is likely to be registered. I can skip the need to justify the additional marriage this way.

The present process does not sound like it encourages or rewards those couples that dutifully obtain the Syariah court’s permission before the marriage. It seems to reward the recalcitrant and suggest we can pay to get our way.

Some time ago, I entertained the idea of marrying more than one wife. Wouldn’t it be great to have several wives? I could enjoy the diversity and frequency of sexual partners. I could have the love and affection of four women. I would have a bigger family, more potential proxies, and wider networks. If two brains were better than one, what about two wives or four? The more, the merrier.

Having had my fair share of affairs, gone through a divorce, remarried, and now practising family law, I am happy to declare myself resolutely monogamous. I have always felt one wife was sufficient, but my education, experience and work authoritatively now confirm this. Having more than one wife is like having too much money; it eventually becomes a problem.

Even back then, when I contemplated and stimulated having more than one wife in my mental lab, I could not convince myself that I could or would accord fair treatment to all of them, particularly on the sexual, emotional, psychological, familial, social and time dimensions. Being fair in terms of money was the ‘easiest’ of the lot. But being fair and equal in affection, intimacy, sexual performance, emotionally and sexually all the time was impossible for me.

Personally, there is not enough time, opportunity, energy and emotion for me to deliver all that to one wife; how the hell would I pull that off with four unless I was a billionaire, didn’t work, worked out often and spent all my time on my spousal relations? Even then, it sounds like an incredibly tall order.

More wives mean more relationships. More relationships mean more potential for misunderstandings, pettiness, envy and fights. It means more resources are required (money, property, services, energy, etc.) to maintain them, more effort on my part and the constant anxiety of keeping everything together. Especially in this very demanding, modern, fast-paced age, we are in.

Polygamy is too much downside for too little upside.

There is a legal upside, though, to having many wives. That upside is found in section 122 of the Evidence Act 1950 provides:

No person who is or has been married shall be compelled to disclose any communication made to him during marriage by any person to whom he is or has been married; nor shall he be permitted to disclose any such communication unless the person who made it or his representative in interest consents, except in suits between married persons or proceedings in which one married person is prosecuted for any crime committed against the other.

Section 122, Evidence Act 1950

A person cannot disclose anything their spouse told them during their marriage or even after it ends without the consent of the disclosing spouse. They may only disclose what was said in legal proceedings between them or when one is prosecuted for a crime committed against the other. Otherwise, even if they were to disclose that information, the court would not consider it.

So, more wives mean more ‘repositories of confidential information’. But I think that’s too high a price to pay for confidentiality. You do not need to marry to get it.

Hiring a lawyer is far cheaper and less messy than marrying a woman for that. Lawyers are bound by the same confidentiality under a solicitor-client relationship, which is provided for under sections 126 and 129 of the Evidence Act 1950, and there is no legal obligation to have sex with them.

There was a verification of polygamy application (it was made pursuant to section 23(2) IFLESS) I conducted, which sums up my attitude towards it. We succeeded despite the application being vigorously opposed by the first wife and her senior Syariah counsel. After the decision, the client came to our atelier for a debrief.

‘Thank you very much for succeeding with the application. Sharon (not her real name) and I are so relieved. With Fatimah (also not her real name) opposing it so hard, I was worried we wouldn’t make it through. So what happens now?’

‘You are welcome, sir. We must pay the fine for not seeking the court’s permission to marry an additional wife. After that, we can submit the order and register the marriage. Once the marriage certificate is issued, we will collect it and send it over. And there is our outstanding fee to settle, too.’

‘I see. So, nothing for me to do now? Just pay and wait?’

‘Yes. If there’s anything I can help you with, please don’t hesitate.’

‘Actually, there may be something. But I don’t know whether you can help me.’

‘Well, you won’t know if you don’t ask,’ I replied, rubbing my imaginary hands in my head, thinking it was a new legal brief.

‘Do you know how to manage two wives ah, Fahri?’

Whoa. Whoa. What I wanted to say was: ‘Brother, if I did, I’d be writing books, doing podcasts, conducting workshops, an exclusive training retreat, selling my endorsed line of sex toys, and giving you a discount on my next workshop on my yacht, Equanimity.’

However, my legal ethics and lack of knowledge imposed a significant constraint on the range of possible replies. I was left with the only reply I could give:

‘Ah. I am afraid I have no experience with that. That situation is far beyond my meagre competency with the law. I have only had one wife at a time, and even then, I barely do them justice. I dare not imagine two. Perhaps you should see someone else for advice about that. I wish you all the best with your marriages.’