I don’t know whether other lawyers face this.

From time to time, some chap or senior lawyer will try to lure me into a case. They will regale me about how pivotal my taking up a case would be to the nation, the constitution, justice, public interest, or some greater cause. They will drench me with warm, thick praise as they blowdry me with their vision of how I would be pivotal to their, sorry, the endeavour. All that is to set me up for the eventual, can-you-do-it-pro-bono ask or can-I-just-pay-the-expenses-only-first?

Sometime in 2018, I received a call from a more senior lawyer. I knew him. We had previously met and chatted a few times at law firm events and in court. He was a well-connected, formidable advocate in his own right and had a successful, sizable, well-resourced firm. I could not imagine why he would need to call on me.

“Fahri, the nation is in bad shape. Our politics is a mess. I am sure you are seeing what’s going on out there in media. You would agree with me it’s bad, kan?”

“Yes, quite bad. I’ve given up following, to be honest.”

“I can understand. I can understand. That’s why I am calling. You mustn’t give up, Fahri. We must fight the injustice out there. No one is fighting for the public interest. It falls on us. The lawyers. If people like you don’t stand up to the injustice, our beloved country will go down the toilet! It’s people like you that keep this country going. You understand what I’m saying?”

“Yes. So, what do you have in mind?’

He dropped into a softer, more conspiratorial tone and asked, “Fahri, how would you like to save our beloved nation? You can be the hero of our times. You can be the people’s champion. They will love you for this!”

“Uhm. Wow. I appreciate you thinking well enough of me to consider me. Really. But all that sounds too heavy a burden for me lah. Saving the nation is beyond me. To be honest, I’ve enough to do saving my firm, never mind saving the nation! I just started out a couple of years ago. Business is still slow.”

“Okay, okay wait, hear me out. It’s actually not so heavy. I quickly tell you what I have in mind. We want to file two legal suits for declarations against the government. It’s in relation to what’s going on in the news the last few days. We need a solid, trusted set of solicitors. I will be counsel. Don’t worry about preparing, we can have draft ready for you to look at.”

Ah, a cardboard solicitor: that’s what he really wanted. So much for saving the nation! I don’t know how or why I was useful for that endeavour. For whatever reason, he did not want his firm to appear on the cause papers or work with his usual coterie of lawyers. All those were red flags.

But the biggest red flag was his miscalculation in thinking he could convince me by stroking my ego. That, for me, is always a red flag. It is therefore important to distinguish between ego-stroking (or arse-kissing, as I prefer to call it) and genuine praise or feedback.

Ego-stroking talk is focused on glorification: you are so great, you are so awesome, you’re the best lawyer in the country, etc. It is extremely effusive far flung flattery, and often insincere. It is designed to glorify the intended recipient and cultivate their good opinion of the ego-stroker. Always appreciate there is a purpose or utility to the glory they shower on us. I give all this warnings because ego-stroking talk is seductive.

I know. I have fallen for it a few times, to my financial detriment. Ego-strokers pay you in praise instead of money. The louder, wilder and more effusive the praise, the greater our detriment is likely to be.

The way to get rid of them is to insist on a reasonable fee paid up front. They will turn to glorifying their case. Once that happens, listen for as long as you feel you should, then tell them, thank you, but we’re not a good fit. It’s not going to be easy, but it is necessary.

Genuine praise is focused on how our work or what we do benefits another. It issues from a genuine desire to connect. The focus is on how they were inspired, motivated or learned by what we did or wrote. The praise is modest and precise: the praiser will point out what they appreciate instead of a general glorification of the person. The purpose is not to glorify but to thank. The genuineness of praise resides in its reasonableness, modesty and precision.

Distinguishing between the two in practice is not easy. With mindfulness and making the effort to distinguish them whenever we hear something flattering said about us, we will eventually attune our ears to hear the difference.thik

I have learned that the bigger the talk, often, the faker the walk.

Sometimes we must decline a case not because a potential client thinks poorly of us, but because they speak so highly of us that it exceeds the boundaries of good taste and propriety. Just because a lawyer can take up any case, that does not mean he or she should up any case.

When was the last time we found ourselves tempted to accept a professionally uncomfortable arrangement because the request came wrapped in praise? In those moments of recognition, what would serve us better: the fleeting warmth of flattery, or the lasting security of proper professional boundaries?