I am from an era and upbringing where we do not publicly praise ourselves. It was frowned on. Even in private, we did not speak highly of ourselves. That was for others to say. We were warned against thinking too highly of ourselves, too. Thought leads to talk. So hold that thought. We can suppress it, but we will eventually be found out through behavioural leakage. So, avoid it altogether. The heights of esteem we hold ourselves privately are the depths of contempt that can be publicly held against us.

If we want others to speak well of us, it was for us to give them reason. For others to speak well of us, we have to consistently behave in a way that arouses praise from others. The good things about us are for others to declaim, not ourselves. We had to prove our worth deed by deed, person by person, not by fine-sounding words thoughtlessly declaimed on social media with an indifferent face. We need a track record. Meaningful accomplishment takes time, effort, earnestness and discipline to cultivate.

To boast about ourselves was strongly discouraged. It was vulgar, rude, uncouth, unbecoming, trashy, low class, etc. Even the metaphors for it are pathetically solitary in nature: angkat bakul sendiri (carry your own basket), blowing our own trumpet, pat ourselves on the back, sing our own praises, and flying our own kite.

And the good things others said about us had to be genuine. It had to come from their natural enthusiasm to share it with others. We didn’t have to be told that we could not approach someone and ask, demand, cajole, barter or pay them to say nice things about us. That was understood. We did not give money, promises or favours in return for a good word. Paid endorsement is bribery. We do not bribe others to say nice things about us. We let our work speak for itself, and hope the client speaks of us.

In short, reputational gains had to be earned by meaningful accomplishment or action. Our accomplishments and praise of our qualities had to come from others. Our job was to keep our heads down, do our work diligently, consistently and as well as we could. Focus on the work. Focus on doing it really well. Avoid wasting time ornamenting ourselves with our own praise or the faint praise of others. It’s worthless. In time, we will be known from our accumulated body of work, from what we did and did not do, what we stood up for and what we remained quiet about. We do not have to be constantly posting on social media how great, amazing and winners we are.

That is not the case these days. In fact, it has not been the case for some time now. For some time now, it has been the reverse of how I was raised.

Modesty is timidity. Restraint is a lack of ambition. To blow one’s own horn is expected, encouraged and facilitated. To be loudly disagreeable is to be passionate. To be disrespectful of experience means to side with youth. There is no shame in publicly declaring oneself the best, successful, humble, grateful, and conscientiously marketing ourselves. Marketing matters more than competency. Self-glorification is just good legal marketing. Humility and gratitude are just curated performed instances of humblebrag to balance out their earlier shameless brag. It is too common to see lawyers behave no differently from multi-level marketers, insurance and real estate agents and C-list celebrities past their prime. The many lawyers who believe ‘there is no such thing as bad publicity’ fail to appreciate they are the worst publicity for the dignity of the legal profession.

I am always looking for new lows of this depravity. LinkedIn is a great place to find them.

I came across a post where a lawyer published a private message sent by a client thanking him profusely. The name and matter were redacted so he could show it off without seeking the client’s consent. To give the impression of self-awareness, he warns it is a humble-brag post then goes on to talk about hard he works and how much pride he gets from receiving such messages from clients. He ended it by sharing how he feels perversely proud to receive this message. He probably thought no one saw through his simulated humility. He was naive and mistaken.

I felt it was incredibly pathetic how his ornamental attempts at self-depracation and humility could not for a moment disguise his mountainous need to brag and boast about receiving that thanks. I was disgusted by his taking a sincere private communication and using it to self-promote and self-glorify. In a moment of weakness, I commented the following:

Thanks given in private is cheapened when it is shared indiscriminately in the world at large in an attempt to demonstrate our utility and value to others. It is cheapened by our reducing it to an instrumental opportunity. We should keep thanks given in private where they belong – in the privacy of our hearts. Also, self-deprecation does not mitigate the humble brag but aggravates it.

An instrumental attitude is one that sees any and everything as simply an instrument of self-promotion or glory. Nothing is exempt from being fed into the legal marketing machine to make ourselves known for the purpose of attracting work. I wonder what lows we will reach with such attitudes in the legal profession.

Must every whisper of thanks be turned into grist for the legal marketing mill? Must each gesture of appreciation be an occasion for social media self-glorify? Should moments of personal pride be turned into an instrument of self-promotion and marketing? It feels that way and the way it is set to go. I feel with some of these self-promotional sorts, they would feed their parents, children or whatever into the marketing mill for a moment of advertisement if they could get away with it.

And if these self-promotional, self-glorifying type of lawyers exemplify the profession, what dignity, honour or respect can the legal profession or lawyers expect from others? What dignity is there about a lawyer who boasts about himself? How much respect can we command when we treat people and events as tools for our self-interest and advancement? How much honour can we generate through a marketing strategy? I say, none to all them.

Lawyers that market should understand that being known does not guarantee work, or good work. Being known is the first step. Of equal, if not greater importance, is a lawyer that can do the work. If we don’t know what to do, we can’t do it. But just because we do work, doesn’t mean we can hang on to it. The work we get can slip away if we are not competent or credible. So, to keep work we have to do good work. Doing good work helps us keep the work we get and attract more work. Good work has other people talking about us, paying attention to us.

Ultimately, good work speaks for itself. We don’t have to say much. Good work also has people happy to spread the word about it. That’s another reason why we don’t have to say much when we are focused on producing good work. In my experience, the great lawyers do not have to promote themselves. Instead, more often they are talked about and discussed.

It is when our work does not speak for us that we have to constantly crow about ourselves to have others know about us. And when we feel that is not enough, we will turn everything and everyone into an instrument of self-glorification and promotion. We will not be alone. There will be many cheering, supporting, excusing, and encouraging such initiatives.

But these boastful, self-glorified and marketing lawyers are the ones we should be wary of. Just because we are selling something doesn’t mean we have something to sell. We should treat the boom and blare of self-promotion amongst lawyers for what it is – noise. And let us not cheapen the goodwill of others and transform our private lives into grist for the legal marketing mill.