Occasionally, students, pupils and young lawyers seek me out for advice and guidance. When possible, I carve out time off my schedule and invite them over for a chat over tea. I am prepared to meet them halfway if they have the temerity and initiative to reach out and make time for it.

Even though they say they want advice and guidance, I know what they are really there for: to be taken seriously, heard and understood. These are occasions when I help them find the signal in the noise, make sense of the ripples in their pools or the clouds in their sky, or simply give them a fair hearing.

A young in-house legal executive, I’ll call him, Nathan, contacted me out of the blue. I dealt with him once for a claim that did not materialise. He sent me a Whatsapp text telling me he was offered to be a Deputy Public Prosecutor (DPP) in the Attorney General’s Chambers (AGC). He was in a dilemma. He didn’t know whether to accept it. In my experience as a senior lawyer, should he take the offer?

I replied that his question was too weighty to respond to by text. I needed to know him better before we could navigate the answer to his question. I invited him over for tea. We made arrangements and eventually met. After the formalities and small talk, we came to his text message.

‘Actually, before coming to see you, I consulted several senior lawyers about what I should do already.’

‘I’m glad to hear you are receptive to views. What did they tell you?’

‘They all said I should accept it. That it is a great opportunity. I should go in for five to seven years. It is a good experience. After that, I can come out and open up my firm. I have ambitions to have my own firm one day. They said I can take advantage of my contacts and previous experience, and knowledge. I shouldn’t have trouble finding work.’

‘Last we met, you were an in-house legal executive. Is it still the same?’

‘Yes.’

‘How do you like your current job?’

‘I like it. As in-house legal, I enjoy reviewing contracts, preparing opinons and doing advisory work. I get along with the boss. The work is interesting.’

‘Now coming back to the advice you were given to take the offer, how do you feel about it?’

‘It makes sense but … ,’ he said resignedly.

‘But it doesn’t sit well with you,’ I added.

He smiled and feigned a laugh like someone embarassed at being caught in the act of hiding something.

‘Kind of. It’s funny. I applied to be DPP two years ago after I left legal practice. While waiting for their reply, I applied and got a position in-house. After a year of not hearing from AGC, I thought I wasn’t going to get it so I forgot about the application. Then, two years after receiving it, they give me an offer.’

‘Why did you apply to be DPP?’

‘It’s because of my aunt whom I was close to when I was young. I spent a lot of time with her when I was young. She was in AGC. I remember her bringing me to her office in various ministries. Once she was a DPP for a while. She would take me to court with her. She was an impressive lady and encouraged me to study law. So, being a DPP was a childhood ambition for me.’

‘But now that you got it, you seem less certain it’s for you.’

‘Yes.’

‘What seem to be your concerns about the offer?’

‘I have a few. Firstly, there’s the money. I will start as a fresh DPP so my pay is much less than what I am earning now. It’s half of what I am paid now, actually. It will be very tight if I accept it. Secondly, I have no control over where I work. I just bought a house with my wife. And we recently welcomed our first child.’

‘Congratulations!’

’Thank you. So now I am worried I may be posted outstation. That may increase my costs and make things more difficult.. Thirdly, if I am honest with you, I prefer doing corporate advisory work instead of court work. I am not a court fighter, Encik Fahri, more an office advisor.’

‘Have you experienced any court work?’

‘Yes. I did about two years of litigation before I went in-house.’

‘Did you do trials, hearings….’

‘Yes. I did trials, hearings, appeals. I was fortunate to get a wide exposure early.’

‘And how did you find that?’

‘Ummm. Oooookaylah. It was interesting. But I don’t think it’s something I want to do. That’s why I left for in-house, which I prefer. After a few years, I feel it’s more suited to me.’

‘From what you tell me, it sounds like you are actually not keen to accept this offer. So what’s the dilemma?’

‘Ummm. Well. It was my childhood ambition to be a DPP. And all the senior lawyers I spoke to before you said I should accept it.’

‘Did any of the senior lawyers you spoke to ask the questions I did?’

‘No. They just responded to my text and told me I should.’

‘And what are you looking to hear from me?’

‘I want your guidance and advice. Should I accept the offer?’

‘Let me answer by first saying that that decision is yours to make, not mine. Since you have to live with the decision, you have to make it. What I can help you with is to tell you honestly what I hear, feel and observe from what you tell me. And what I am hearing is that you are conflicted about accepting the offer because it’s not what you want to do anymore. Maybe you had childhood ambitions for it, but you’re an adult now. Ambitions we harbour in childhood sometimes do not carry over to adulthood. You are not under a duty to achieve it. Our amibitions change as we age. You said you also feel the need to accept it because many senior lawyers have told you it is a good idea. Yes?’

‘Yes.’

‘With respect, they gave their opinion without first listening to you. To them, it is objectively a good idea, so you should do it. They didn’t ask you how you felt about it. They gave you standard advice, going into AGC is a good opportunity. They didn’t consider the more important question, does this opportunity fit with you? From what I hear, you prefer advisory and corporate work and do not enjoy litigation work. Let me ask you this, do you want to do criminal law work?’

‘No. Actually, the thought of it makes me anxious. I prefer what I am doing now, to be honest.’

‘And that’s what you need to be with yourself. Honest. So, there you go: you don’t even want to do criminal work. Accepting the offer will have you stuck in it. That’s primarily what you will be doing as a DPP. And when you leave AGC after four, five years, what work do you think you will be getting after that?’

‘Criminal work.’

‘Yes. Most likely. You will not be getting corporate advisory work. You can cultivate that practice but your challenges are greater from a criminal practice standpoint. Is that what you want? And there’s also you having a new addition to the family…’

‘I see where you are going. So you think I shouldn’t take up the offer?’

‘No. As I said, that’s for you to decide. Not me. I am only here to help you put your decision into perspective. To bring to your attention things you may not have considered. That’s all. It’s your life, Nathan. So it is important for you to make a decision that accords with who you are and how you are. That is not to say you should not listen to others. Listen, but consider. Do not listen, to follow. Whatever you do must be aligned closely to yourself. If it does, it will be good.’

‘So, what you are saying is I need to know myself and be honest with myself.’

‘Absolutely. That’s the most important thing. Once you figure that out, the rest follows. You need to stay true to yourself as much as you can. Choose the one that feels right,’ I thumped my chest, ‘in here. In this world today, everybody’s telling you to do this and that. Everybody talks like they are an expert. Becareful who you listen to and what they tell you. Always consider if it fits you. Do things because you think it is a good idea, not others. Even if it turns out not to be a good idea later, at least you now know better.’

’It feels like I have some soul-searching to do before I finally decide.’

’Yes. I have given you some things to think about. Now, it’s for you to consider, talk it over with your wife and then decide. Take as much time as you need to. Your decision is no longer just about you anymore but involves your family too. It’s different if you were single or even without children. Once children enter the picture, it’s no longer about ourselves.’

‘I know. I feel my world has changed since my baby arrived.’

’Absolutely.’

’I think it’s time I take my leave. I have taken up enough of your time, Encik Fahri. I know what I have to do now. Thank you for listening, the advice and the tea. I appreciate it very much. I am sorry for taking up your time.’

’Please don’t apologise. I am glad we got to know each other better. I wish you all the best with your decision. Trust yourself.’

’Thank you. I will.’

I later heard that Nathan declined the offer and remained at his company to pursue an in-house career.